It's June 28, 2009 and so much has occurred since my last posting on January 28,2009.
The highlights of 2009 thus far:
1.)The removal of a rather negative individual from my life (a long an arduous process)
2.)Upgraded my transportation scenario
3.)Kick started a sewing project that took the back burner for too long
4.)Winning tickets to be in the audience for Depeche Mode on live television
5.)Becoming an aunt & visiting my sister & niece
6.)Truly healing from my past, something that needed to be laid to rest
7.)Meeting some incredibly positive people that I treasure close to my heart
8.)Gaining respect at the daily grind
9.)Showing some art I made
10.)Performed in front of people for the first time in about 7 years
11.)Being Alive & feeling Alive & having TONS of fun !
It has been an intense first half of 2009.I'm grateful for all that has happened thus far and I open myself up to the universe for more Light. I am full of hope, desire and gratitude and I'm just putting it out there, that the best has yet to come. And I accept that.
Peace Love and Happiness
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
hmmm
Why is it that I do not feel a day over 16 ?
I still feel as disconnected, lost and naive as I did then.
I'm in a constant state of uncertainty.
My plans always seem to fall through the cracks.My desires and wants are not fulfilled. What do I need to do to get what I want?
And at some point, a few months ago, I felt as if I had awakened. But from what and into what? My dreams seem to be much more safer than reality, as bizarre and lucid that they can be at times. Another birthday has come and gone with no real wanted surprises and more loneliness than ever. I have not felt more of black sheep than I did this birthday. My vacation is going to be over in 4 days and I haven't done one exciting thing all week.
Email reminders and notifications have replaced the element of truly knowing, "Oh It's so & so's birthday! Let's surprise them with a party" or what have you. And it's not like if it was better for me before that. I'm told to speak up for myself but when I do, it still doesn't benefit me in anyway. My friends are sparse, and I haven't done a good job creating new ones.
I'm approaching 30 pretty quick here and it's clear to me that I have to plan something for myself for that day, next year. Because as usual,leave it to some one else and it won't get done or just get fucked up in the process. In the words of Ferris Bueller, "How's that for being born under a bad sign?"
I still feel as disconnected, lost and naive as I did then.
I'm in a constant state of uncertainty.
My plans always seem to fall through the cracks.My desires and wants are not fulfilled. What do I need to do to get what I want?
And at some point, a few months ago, I felt as if I had awakened. But from what and into what? My dreams seem to be much more safer than reality, as bizarre and lucid that they can be at times. Another birthday has come and gone with no real wanted surprises and more loneliness than ever. I have not felt more of black sheep than I did this birthday. My vacation is going to be over in 4 days and I haven't done one exciting thing all week.
Email reminders and notifications have replaced the element of truly knowing, "Oh It's so & so's birthday! Let's surprise them with a party" or what have you. And it's not like if it was better for me before that. I'm told to speak up for myself but when I do, it still doesn't benefit me in anyway. My friends are sparse, and I haven't done a good job creating new ones.
I'm approaching 30 pretty quick here and it's clear to me that I have to plan something for myself for that day, next year. Because as usual,leave it to some one else and it won't get done or just get fucked up in the process. In the words of Ferris Bueller, "How's that for being born under a bad sign?"
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Hangovers, Carpel Tunnel & eye twitching
2009!!! WOO!!
Let's begin with that good old fashion hang over!!
Headache!! Still, at 9 pm.
And that awesome pain that just will not go away in my arms & hands, no matter what.I'm completely self diagnosing myself, but it has to be nothing else but carpel tunnel. It is painfully awful and it is every day now. I wake up with the pain, wake up from the pain and go to sleep with it.
With all the use of my hands I wish I could return them for a more resilient pair. Viola playing, keyboard playing, sewing, typing ......owww.
Oh, and the crazy eye twitching has returned. It's been over a decade since I had this daily. The eye twitching began some where around 13. Except now it is self inflicted stress.
Alright, I suppose I'm ready, because these ailments are not going to go away.
(Well, the hangover won't be daily...)
Tired...Need Vacation....1 more day.....
Let's begin with that good old fashion hang over!!
Headache!! Still, at 9 pm.
And that awesome pain that just will not go away in my arms & hands, no matter what.I'm completely self diagnosing myself, but it has to be nothing else but carpel tunnel. It is painfully awful and it is every day now. I wake up with the pain, wake up from the pain and go to sleep with it.
With all the use of my hands I wish I could return them for a more resilient pair. Viola playing, keyboard playing, sewing, typing ......owww.
Oh, and the crazy eye twitching has returned. It's been over a decade since I had this daily. The eye twitching began some where around 13. Except now it is self inflicted stress.
Alright, I suppose I'm ready, because these ailments are not going to go away.
(Well, the hangover won't be daily...)
Tired...Need Vacation....1 more day.....
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